Week 8: A Crack In My Cement
This week saw a crack in my cement.
For those uninitiated into the nomenclature of MKMMA, your cement is long-held beliefs about yourself (that no longer serve you) which have you encased in familiar ways of being, acting, thinking, reacting, etc.
One of my PPN’s (Personal Pivotal Needs) is Recognition for Creative Expression, and the way I want to express myself creatively is through launching a blog — tentatively titled — Our Bold Future and a corresponding podcast.
As part of my research, I began looking at other blogs dealing with the future. And after a while of looking at people — really smart people — with blogs, websites and podcasts that get into all the science and technology that’s shaping our future. And business sites with resources to deeply explore this field, I got a serious case of imnotgoodenoughitis.
I mean c’mon, I’m not a scientist, a hard-core techie, established in the field. WhodoIthinkIamanyway?
All of this mental punching went nicely with a flu I’ve been battling this week. All of which followed Week 7 – the infamous week that wasn’t!
So things were looking grim. And to top it off, I had taken a picture of my Movie Poster and emailed it to instructors Mark, Davene and the crew in Hawaii. I got a nice email back from Davene saying thanks for sending it, but it wasn’t required. And ending with a little four word question about my DMP, that literally floored me.
“Do you love it?”
Do I what??
I hadn’t considered if I loved it! I’m mean I’m just trying to do my best to keep my head above water by completing the assignments!
And at the risk of being repetitive — survive the ordeal of mentally fighting imnotgoodenough, physically fighting off the flu, and quite frankly, for the last few weeks, life itself seemed to be conspiring against any new way of being as well — like my wife fracturing both elbows!
I’m in survival mode here and the lovely Davene asks me if I love my DMP!
And the honest answer at that moment was I don’t know.
Which made me sad. And caused some self-reflection.
What finally cracked the cement was re-reading my Press Release.
It captured the spirit of my DMP. And that I loved.
My blog isn’t going to be like everyone else’s and nor does it have to be. I don’t need to be as smart, as techie, as scientific, experienced/established or anything else you want to fill in the blank.
I just need to be me and to follow where my passion takes me.
I did a Sit visualizing the Press Release and in that process an idea came to me on how to manifest it.
And that crack got just a little bigger.
I finally recorded my DMP to music.
And that crack got just a little bit bigger.
I continue to do my daily readings, write my blog, listen to my DMP.
And now if I get really quiet and pay real close attention, I can feel a wind of change and see a sliver of new life through that little crack in my cement.